This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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