Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
