Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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