I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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