I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
