The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
