Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
