I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
