There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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