Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hippo gnu deer
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
