We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she smelled like a LAN party
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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