I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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