When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
