I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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