Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize