You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I need to calm my uterus...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
