Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
