I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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