I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
