I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
