Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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