Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You don't make any sense
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