I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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