i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
