I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
