So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
