remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
