Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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