How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize