my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
