i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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