We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
