Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
