No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
