you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
