Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
