so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
tonight lets celebrate not being married
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
