She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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