Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
