when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
