i don't like sucking hair
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
