Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
