If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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