Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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