She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
