There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
