I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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