i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
