i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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