i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
