i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We need a shit load of segways right now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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