I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
