this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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