I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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