id be glad to
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
