Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
