So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
