the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize