I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
