Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
