You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
