I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
