You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
