O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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