Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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