uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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