The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
