I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
