Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize