she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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