Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need moral support for this bender
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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