Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
