escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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