If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
