He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My ass is underappreciated
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
