When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize