I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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