What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
