Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
