She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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