If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
