i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
