it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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