I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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