And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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