In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
