I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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