Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
