exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
