you guys were way drunker than both of me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
