I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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