Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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