can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
