Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
