Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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