Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
