I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
