I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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