A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
